July 10, 2010 Is My Tumor Showing?

Here I sit, 5 am. If you didn’t know it, you would not be able to tell I had a tumor. This week was another giant leap in the return to normalcy. From daily work load to evenings and even early am writing, my routine has returned to even status with last year. Of course I still have physical limitations, and walk a lot slower, ever reminders to me of my condition, but in jeans and work shoes these go largely unnoticed. It is hard to describe the feelings in the left leg. There is a weariness there, to the bone, and tingling. Inger still must work me over on a regular basis. I have been working with the stockings. These are not for those who would sit all day, too much compression for that. My driving routines must now include more frequent stops to walk about. Otherwise the tightness causes pain in the foot and ankle. I carry a cane and sometimes must rely upon it and sometimes use it to slow the pace of those I am walking with. Everyone tells me I have ‘good color’ or ‘look great’. Some commend me on my courage, although I do not feel courageous. I am only trying to live a normal life. Normalcy must embrace my handicap and my disease for the remainder of my life here. So it is that you would not know by looking. Creating this illusion involves wearing Underarmour, or bicycle shorts as I am wearing today and high compression stockings, which I am putting on to match the need at this writing. One day this week I only wore one for the evening. However to keep the swelling under control they are part of my normal wardrobe. All this and Inger’s hard work and some days my legs are almost the same size.