Reality
Saturday, May 15, 2010 a beautiful day in the neighborhood for sure. We went to breakfast at the IHOP and then shopping for Van’s gardening supply. The cancer is cruel in all respects, and of course I choose to deny the limitations it places upon me until they are thrown in my face. Such was the case today as I was forced to use the little motorized scooters for handicapped folk to get about the stores. I understand the long term consequences with regard to pain if I overdo it. My macho man bravado has long since been stripped away in a most humbling manner. My very manhood is under assault. Yet I knew I wanted to participate in the shopping, not sit and mope in the parking lot, so I strapped on the little electric three wheeler with the basket, put my walking stick in the basket and took off through the sporting goods store looking for bicycle shorts for me that will serve as a girdle needed as part of my ongoing lymphedema therapy. The looks people gave me made me wonder if I looked upon the valiant drivers of these devices in the same way before I joined their ranks. A kind smile of pity, a look of bewilderment, (what does he have?), a look of sympathy and one of kindness. Children are of course particularly entranced, as I learned during my short stint on the crutches. It was a slap of hard reality and I could not help but cry a little when it was over, for the reality is I cannot walk any distance, and that stinks. I don’t want to be physically handicapped. I do not want a hover round. I object to this disease and all the complications that go along with it.
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