On The Other Hand

It’s Friday and the week is nearly over. Tuesday I had chemo and was way out of sorts pretty much until yesterday afternoon. I cannot walk yet, as the pain in the bottom of my feet, while now manageable, prevents me from taking more than baby steps. Physical therapy Wednesday included an hour on the Flexitouch machine, an automatic massage device that runs 8 grand and of course is not covered by my insurance. My left leg is something of a water balloon, increasingly sensitive to touch. Van worked me over yesterday and I now where those sporty bike shorts with the padded seat as a girdle along with the wraps on both legs. My walking is excruciating at times, with a burning pain across the bottom of both feet. Therefore I walk in very short steps on a pair of rental crutches, setting feet flat with each step. Foot pain is inescapable. On the other hand clearly I am getting better. In a couple of weeks I will have completed a full treatment cycle. I still have my hair. I will get a CT scan and x ray to see what is going on with the cancer. For me it is not exactly a win win. If the chemo is not working, of course, that is not good for my long term prognosis, and I will join my Parents and all those dogs at a relatively young age. On the other hand I cannot help but remember that if the chemo is successful I will face horrendous surgery, being gutted like a fish. I will be left without the ability to have a sexual relationship with my Wife and without my bladder living with some sort of diversion or drain for the rest of my life. The cancer gives me no quarter in this regard, it is ‘part of it’. Oh well, we have the weekend to look forward to.
It’s 1:30 on Saturday, AM, took a nice walk down to the stop sign, about six hundred feet round trip, took a little while and Tucker drug me back, apparently she has four hollow legs. I find it so sad as I gaze across my lawn in the twilight with a brilliant clear sky filled with stars bright and twinkling. The air is clean and cool as I walk. Why shouldn’t we all as a species work to prevent our ultimate demise. Obviously we have to stop the families with 10 kids. Continued population means we will need another planet. Ah the lortab, and I ramble.