Give the Nurses Strength To Endure

Sunday and I just finished my MLD session (manual lymph drainage). No doubt I am experiencing some changes. I can lie on my back a little longer now. My stones feel like someone has kicked the yahoo out of them. That unique ache/throb only a man can appreciate. They look like a flesh balloon swollen together as they are. Nevertheless, we must take this as just another week and an expected new issue that will be unpleasant. Even when Mom was in hospice and we spent a few nights with her I did not grasp the scope of her disease. I just never thought of cancer in holistic terms, as a disease that controls both directly and indirectly every behavior I have. The cold nights have returned. Bought new toilet seats today and wondered as I did how many toilet seats are sold to cancer victims, and for long term sufferers how many are involved. A sure sign of sickness in the house is wearing out the toilet seats.
BAM, like an electric shock Nurse Van touched a place on my leg with her nail. BAM, she did it again.
In the darkness of morning the lights in the bedroom seem harsh and the air cold. Van was making buckets and digging trenches to kick start the lymphatic system and get some draining going. This was her 3rd time. BAM ‘Please no more’, I cried out. Although there was nothing but a nail, the nail was enough. ‘You missed some spots” she said, noting after I lifted my shirt that some marker from the previous day’s therapy was still on my body. ‘I don’t care’ was my response, but I knew from her look that was unacceptable. ‘But if you are self conscious about it we can wash it off ‘, I said. She smiled and said ‘I will get a cloth ready.’ ‘AHHHHHHHEEE, holy sh.., oh my’, proves that we can have differing concepts of what warm is in a wet cloth on skin.
We laughed and I cried. Nursing is a gift, but there is certainly a learning curve. So off we go for my second chemo infusion. The nurses commented on my apparent improvement from last time. Sitting there I assessed my situation. On one side sat a man born in 1934 with his loving wife faithfully attending him. She struggled with the ice dispenser, with much more on the floor than in her cup. ‘Nearly blind’, she confessed, and I hoped she wasn’t the designated driver. On the other a tall slender woman, wearing an expensive wig and dressed in high fashion slacks, sweater and heels. She came alone, knew all the nurses on a first name basis and had a port. When another nurse came in to visit she stood and broke a tear. Up the way a youngster, devoid of color and hair but talking up a storm with her company. And my dear Vanessa, focused on me, caring for me. What a blessing she is. Chemo knocked me down this afternoon. A strange feeling of malaise, an emptiness, a pain but not a pain.