Surgery

February 12, 2010 the disease has turned my world on end. Thursday I spent the better part of two hours trying to output 150cc of urine while retaining 20-40cc. If I failed this test it would be more days of a catheter, a prospect I would not accept. Never had the measure of 150cc been so important, and I splashed water down and held on as long as possible. Just before lunch, my forefinger in the hot water stream at the bathroom sink, I reached the magic mark.
We had a lunch to celebrate of chicken sticks, fish sandwich and all the trimmings. It was fabulous.
This is Sunday AM-beginning the week of decision and direction change. Resign the gym, put affairs in order, and consult with Dr. K, E, and Nurse E. Meet with the girls, assimilate the information, and plunge ahead. Surgery seems the only step to take, the excepted step in the US at this writing.
There are no cliffs in Indiana. No easy way out. Even as I struggle with the whatifs that sneak into my mind every day, causing my stomach to lurch, I face details and put one by one each behind me.
Tea with Vanessa in the morning, who would have thought it possible. Cranberry juice, more in the last few days than in the previous 58 years. Rethinking resigning the gym, going to take a leave of absence instead I think. Maybe I can get a new bladder and live out the remainder of my life with some normality, albeit a different reality from the past. If so a lot of walking will be required to recuperate.
Yet many unintended consequences continue to surface. Skype with my Brother, seen him more this week than the last 2 or 3 years at least.
And how strange that now I keep running into articles and TV that discuss my issue. Never noticed before. Like buying a car then seeing them everywhere I guess.
How long has it been since I slept all night long? Seems like an eternity. These past few days have been especially grueling. Yet I seem to be getting better as the days go on.
Working from home this week, still not back on the road. Hope to get around and see most everyone before I have my surgery.
Solid sleep did I ever! Pains sharp and out of the blue, from what? Itching means healing, or something else, who knows. Whatifs fill my mind sometimes without warning.
After the first surgery my need to pee was hourly, all 24. During the first 3 days I wore the dreaded catheter. It is worthy to relive that experience.
My surgery was a transurethral resection. Or to put it another way, straight up your business with tools, lights, packed lunch etc to scrape a tumor off a wall. Dr. Gasman came in just before they wheeled me into O R. ‘Can you tell me your name?’ Mike Courtney and I mumbled my birthdate. ‘Oh, you know the drill. Can you tell me why you are here?’ ‘Cancer’. ‘Very good Mr. Courtney.’ I waited for my biscuit or a pat on the head, but only got his continued dissertation. His delivery was somehow forced, like he wanted to project calm but underneath he was a ball of pent up frustrations at the verge of blowing out a wall. Yet he was sing song like, calming as he went on. He made me a cocktail of triple whammies that will put me to sleep, he will put a breathing tube in me a pump me full of breathing gas. Then he paused, I thought I saw his expression crack, just a little. Was that a grin coming on? ‘It’s the gas that keeps you asleep’ the good doctor said.
I had Googled this surgery and done some reading. Once in the OR, Gasman positioned over my head, people milling about I was in the money making part of this service business. He then quietly started talking. Mr. Courtney, I am now placing my special recipe into your IV, as you are helplessly laid out like some over fed mammal washed ashore and unable to grasp the situation for lack of thumbs. Then we will……………
Hospitals are after all job shops. Fundamentally their function and product cycle is the same as your heating and air conditioning supplier. Hospitals sell new equipment in the way of services and products. Hospitals repair and do maintenance work on existing equipment, humans. Profitability relies on maintaining the right ratios of product and service sales at the volume and margins required to make the nut. Here I was, an older unit, but in pretty good shape, going into the express service bay (same day surgery) for what I hoped would be a cure for my cancer. I looked at the mechanics, the team. The Star still not there, and I will not see him.
Where does the mind go when Dr. Gasman comes calling? When you wake up you will be groggy, disconnected.