Letting People Know

Telling people of my situation, those whom I hold dear, has been a work in process. I sent this to our long time friends K and F this morning;
Hi Ken,
In my ideal world, any issues of mine I would keep to myself. I am sure you appreciate where I am coming from. But, as you know we have our loved ones to consider first at all times, and I am no exception in that regard. Certainly my Women are my strength and continued challenge and inspiration.
News of sickness gets revised as it is passed around. I think I heard at one time you were having a heart transplant and nearly dead, and Fonda was going to lose a leg.
It is a measure of our friendship all these years that we can always start a conversation, no matter how long it had been since the last meeting. As good friends I want you to have this news from the source. As a side comment it is safe to say that any doctor whose title ends in 'ologist' is probably not a doctor you really want to see.
Following a CT scan in late January I had surgery on February 8 to remove a tumor. On Feb 12 I learned the surgery was not successful as the disease was more advanced, our worst fear. I have a cancer whose three letter acronym is TCC, or transitional cell carcinoma. In my case it is bladder cancer. I was referred to IU Hospital in Indianapolis. We met on February 26 with a big city Ologist and on March 1 with another big city Ologist. At the present time I am awaiting scheduling for further poking, prodding and analyzing to determine exactly what the nature of the cancer is and what level I am. We know I am at least T2 in cancer jargon.
Since the surgery I have been off and on. It took me a week solid to get mobile and for the past two weeks I have been an every other day is a good day guy, and the off days are good days too, just really uncomfortable. I returned to work last week although I am still not up to presurgery activity level. The drugs make me talky, a good thing for a salesman, so I am generating some business to keep things going.
I will let you guys know my prognosis as we know it.
I am asking that Vanessa, Jennifer and Jocelyn make all the prayer lists as well as me. I am being well attended by many dedicated professionals and first class facilities and I can legally take 'knock you down and don't take your name' drugs for my issues. I am positive about my outcome for I have faith and therefore any outcome will be the right outcome, regardless.
But the Girls are my advocates and support. They do not have so much to hold them up. Since my well being is so dependent on their strength and resolve I think they are in greater need of the power of prayer than I.
We know for sure there will be trying times ahead, but then, we knew the job was dangerous when we took it.
Love ya both,
Sentimentally way to early,
Mike C

This most personal of cancers elicits shudders among most men and women I encounter who first learn of it. It is after all so personal in nature and the prospect of any issue in that anatomical area is simply not one any person in their right mind would even want to think about. At first I struggled with what to tell people, but in the end the best thing is the truth. So when I tell K and F I have bladder cancer, I envision F telling her flock on Sunday of my condition, eliciting grimaces and moans in the congregation. I hate that exposure, but am resigned to it.
After all, I have already begged for a suppository in this journey, exposing my back side to perfect strangers and giving them that come hither look just to get another jolt from the magic torpedo. That is pretty low, so blathering about bladder cancer seems such a minor insult to my persona by comparison.
It is difficult not to be angry at something, myself, the disease, and the back ache, whatever. I had a great afternoon yesterday with the H family. They took me to a Mexican dinner, where I gorged on a burrito, but could not clean the plate like the old days, and drank margueritas, although we only did one pitcher, unlike the old days. After dinner we got ‘Airplane’ the movie. Settling in with them in their cozy family room I prayed I could hold up, but that persistent back ache had come calling. I tried to Zen it away and even dosed a little. It took over finally and before the end of the movie I had to pack up and go home. Unable to sit in any position and exhausted I knew the best place was home. We were having a great time with the movie, catching every pratfall, prank and one liner, and seeing some we had not seen before, even though we had seen the movie umpteen times. It was wonderful to laugh with them and I truly enjoy the grand dog. I was home at 8:30 took two lortabs and by 9:30 I was under control, able to sleep in short increments through the night. Up for good at 4:30AM and writing this as the sun rises on another clear blue day. Started with a lortab at 5:30A and as I write this the drug is working, a sense of floating, a dampening of feelings sensed, relief that I can relax for a while. I am angry that the disease has control over my actions. I must now factor it in at all times and be prepared for it. Hopefully this week we can find a better drug solution. It made me very sad to leave the party so abruptly.
I shall remember the evening, and have as a goal to enjoy repeating the experience after the cancer is gone.
Writing to another Minister this morning (recruiting some pros to the cause);
Hi Phil,
You may remember me, or not. I was a member of your extended Church and Home Family during your time as Pastor in Fortville. Extended in that I was not a member, although my Family was. Extended in that our children involved us in shared lifes experiences. I was the 'token unsaved loved one' listed weekly at the bottom of the bulletin as defined by many (I always appreciated being included in your prayer) and Bonnie assured my Daughters in terrifying fashion that I was destined to burn in hell for not being part of the deal. It has only been 10 or 11 years since I last visited with you, or had a laugh, or shared a joke. Your Facebook tells a story of contentment and success. I obviously share many of your core values and beliefs, but then, I always did, even if you did not realize it. I will now share a story with you that is my present drama in life. We have not told any of Vanessa's Church Family as of this writing, preferring to wait until the outcome is better known, perhaps in a week or two. Please keep this in confidence until we let them know.
I am telling you because I do believe in the power of Prayer and am not shy about recruiting both professionals and amateurs in the field. So welcome to the team. You are bound by profession to join, and would by ethical code anyway. Glad to have you aboard. Perhaps we can visit sometime in the future.
On a side note I am sharing with many, any medical professional with a title that ends in ologist is probably not someone you voluntarily want to visit, be it urologist, proctologist, cardiologist, gynecologist, or even ophthalmologist. So far the only ologist I have encountered that would make my Christmas card list is the anesthesiologist, but I keep forgetting his name.
Told him the same story….
I am asking that my Women, Vanessa, Jennifer and Jocelyn make all the prayer lists as well as me and for that matter they should be ahead of me on any such list of communication priorities with our Savior. They are very worried and clearly the load on them is increasing as the process goes on. The Girls are my advocates and support. They do not have so much to hold them up. I have no drugs to give them to take the pain from their expression at moments of weakness. I am no longer able to keep the disease to myself. My gate has been reduced to a totter, and pain sometimes elicits an involuntary groan. This I know weighs heavy on their hearts. I on the other hand am being well attended by many dedicated professionals and first class facilities and I can legally take 'knock you down and don't take your name' drugs for my issues. I am positive about my outcome for I have faith and therefore any outcome will be the right outcome, regardless.
We know for sure there will be trying times ahead, but then, we knew the job was dangerous when we took it. Thank you Phil in advance for your uplifting prayers on our behalf.
God bless you,
Mike C