Thursday 2-25-10
A tired day. A discomfort, pressure with no product, aches, sharp pains. I wonder how much is made up in my head, how much from moving around still inflamed tissue from the resection. In any event I acquiesced in the afternoon and took a pill. The Ologist has prescribed Lortab, part Tylenol, part opiate I suppose. Tried to work several times but simply could not get in the mind set. Sitting is uncomfortable, as is every other position it seems and I am so damn tired today. Seeing my Brother on Skype cheered me. I know my condition pains him to no end. It is the pain I cause other people that I can see in their face or hear in their tone that pains me most. I know it is a cliché but I never considered the toll my condition would take on those I know.
It is now apparent that cancer is one of those conditions that are not private in nature. I discovered that if I asked someone to not discuss it with those that do not know me it was going to place a great burden on them. So the choice is tell no one or make pronouncements. Tell no one is not an option because Vanessa, Jennifer and Jocelyn need all the support they can get. It is not fair to ask them to respect my wish to keep the details of my condition private. Make pronouncements and there will be discussions of the most intimate and gory details of my procedures, comparisons to someone who someone knew, those that give up and those that hold faith. A preacher will call with the wife, wanting to pray for a miracle and bring evangelical comfort to me. Neighbors will call, cards will come and soon I will be yesterday’s news. Vanessa decided to let her Church know after our meeting tomorrow at the Simon Cancer Center at IU Med in Indy.
Long days, the medication kicking in, have all my Girls tomorrow.
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