Preparing For The Doctor

September 23, 2010

I hate this part.  We have one of those milestone consultations this morning, like the kind you have before making a surgical decision.  To say I am not afraid is a lie.  I know in my heart of hearts that I have two chances to survive this curse one being a miracle and one surgery.  I try to comfort myself in our accomplishment to bring me from ‘oh, I,m so very very sorry’ to ‘hey, let’s talk taking a shot at the cure'.  The Girls are all about getting on with it, the sooner the better.  I am not so quick to jump.  We must ask the right questions this morning so Jocelyn will be along to assure all bases are covered.  Wow, what a resource our Daughters are to us.  Jocelyn said she was proud to be able to buy the buffalo the other day, I nearly teared up just at the thought that my Daughter’s buy us lunch once in a while.  I think we should get some sort of parenting badge for that accomplishment.  Ah, enough of blowing my horn.  But the dump has made me feel better, so to speak. 

I am getting great mileage out of my stories of our experience with buffalo.  I was breaking out into a buffalo mating call I thought until Rex (man of ultimate wisdom) advised he had heard buffalo call.  After explaining the noises made the only thing I had that could do it properly ( I am going to have to practice) is my remote control fart machine vintage 2000 or so I think.  So I have recommissioned it and it sets close at hand need I make any of a variety of buffalo calls as a result of eating the delicious buffalo burger and loaf and chili and I am sure I will return soon to keep the call going stuff.  Buffalo nachos next time with booze. 

I hear her stirring in the next room.  Time now to get ready.  I am sure my morning routine was much like most men’s until 2010.  On shower days such as today a hum haw around until the last minute, get in lather up, rinse down, towel off 60-85% throw on today’s outfit and hit the bricks.  Vanessa and Inger have trained me in a new routine through subliminal, tongue lashing, spontaneous outburst and other means.  We have laughed until we both cried so many times through the process I must say it has just worn me out and down.  So after my normal manly jump, lather, rinse I carefully dry to 95-100%.  As with all things this additional drying adds exponentially more time to the morning routine, i.e. it takes as long to get the last 10-15 as it does to get the first 80-85 you see.  Some kind of rule of life applies here. This followed by the use of moisturizer on my head hair covered legs.  Now this is necessary because a consequence of lymphedema in an extremity or limb is the skin is stretched.  Fighting this continuously is very important in preventing really nasty stuff from happening.  . The battle only requires lotion and Inger in my case along with the compression hose to keep it in place during the day.  After thoroughly working in the moisturizer I sit in my office and apply my compression hose in a fashion I would think many would envy.  Oh the sensual look as I raise my high arch into the air and apply the long rubber band with the cute stuff at the top, and I do mean all the way up on the left thank you.  I stand among the most blessed and thank the Lord every morning first thing by going outside and looking up to where I feel pretty sure he or she is looking down from and saying thank you Lord. 

Now for the matter of surgery I will forever be altered.  A best case would be I would have normal function a few weeks after surgery with a new bladder and less small intestine or colon.  Beyond that I do not care to expound at this hour.  The nervousness returns, anticipation, that feeling through my chest and in my stomach, a weakness in the knees, yeah, I am for sure that today.  For me white coat syndrome is an easy one to fall into.  So the time has come to prepare.