Monday and back at work. Gave the office the word today on my surgery date and plans. No questions just appreciation on being kept in the loop was the universal response. I continue to wonder at the people that actually care about me. A marvelous miracle and blessing each and every one is. Through my life I have employee and employer but not so much a coworker. Mostly alone, the majority of time getting to or coming from interrupted by brief encounters with clients and fellow employees the job leaves me on my own for the most part. How wonderful now at my age to discover the caring and concern the team has for me.
My cousin now undergoing prep for a stem cell transplant noted she is just now realizing how sick she is. I understand her sentiment. Although I have had a surgery, hospitalization, intense physical therapy, allergic reactions to meds, a full round of chemo and now have a permanent handicap from the cancer preparing for surgery is still a hard reality to face. It means I really am sick. Frankly I never thought I would be a candidate or have even a remote chance of a cure, yet here I am, the answer to all the prayers said for me.
Surgery means urinary diversion, but it also means a 20-30% chance of getting the cancer out of me, the only chance I have. I have decided that my first choice is the neobladder. This is the most complex and difficult surgery choice I have. It means I am banking on the 20 year goal for remaining life, not the 5. I confirmed this morning in another hard step forward. I did a lot of soul searching on this and found much help and solace in the journals posted on the BCAN web site. I am looking forward to getting it behind me and hope to be back in good order on or about Christmas. Like a runaway train, there is no stopping me now.
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