Night Time And Life Today

Darkness comes too early still on this cold February day, and now I face another night of nights I have come to dread.  Night time is especially hard.  I am exhausted and more often than not take a pain pill to force the sleep issue.  Night time now is a routine.  Settle in around ten if not before, start in the chair, move to the bed or futon, back to the chair, outside, inside, back to bed.  Since chemo this time my sleep interval is often 1.5 to 2 hours instead of 30 minutes to an hour.  After draining I quickly fall asleep for a short period then enter a half awake state until the urge to urinate overcomes the desire to stay put and I tread off, then the cycle repeats.  Around 2 am each night I have more severe abdominal pains and I know now that these are gas pains.  A fiber bar or piece of toast with butter and a splash of jelly gets this under control.  Anywhere from 4 am to 7 am I am usually up again for the day.  This has been the cycle for the last year with only the stay in the hospital with a catheter and epidural for a break.  Ah epidural, what a concept.

It is part of the animal’s strategy to wear me down and weaken me.  I refuse.

Eating is always followed by digestive pain now.  Tough sh.. so to speak.  I am not sure if this is medication reaction or the animal.  Hopefully the scan next week will shed some light on it for me.  Sometimes it graduates to a full blown belly and back ache and sometimes it passes after a time.  Either way understanding what it is has made it possible for me to address it in the proper fashion.  As a result when all else fails a 5mg oxycodone does the job of knocking down the pain. 

I am going to use Wii Fit until I can get back into the gym for the lymphedema along with Inger’s magic.  I could go any time but I am playing the old age card and saying if the temperature is below 20 and the wind above 10 I need an alternative to going to the gym, even if it is only a couple of miles away.  If I am going to make it back onto the golf course this year I need to start now in preparation for it given the shape I have fallen into.  I splurged for supper and bought a Subway sub and cc cookie.  And there you have it.  At some point the softener will once again cycle and we shall see if my repair holds.  Curiously it was a few weeks after the last repair that the problem reoccurred.  I detest that kind of problem, the come and go, not all the time kind.  Homeowner hell.  The home groans and cracks as the temperature falls tonight.  It is 7º F at 7 P and the mercury is falling as the time is advancing. 

Wednesday and I am in pretty good shape.  Did some work in Indy and got along OK.  Another artic gray day though.  I joined a chat room, lymphedema for men, so I will likely get to talk with some swell guys.  Ms G at work told me about a item she saw on TV explaining how in breast cancer they are leaving the lymph nodes they use to take out to prevent the swelling I told her all about.  She connected me with the article.  I was impressed.  Awareness is part of my program for sure and I felt like I had achieved a small victory. 

Shared Experience Lifetime Bond

I am reminded of my malady by my compression stockings. I roll them on daily, although I have gone without them for a couple of days at a time with no terrible result but a definite increase in the swelling. So they are a necessity still. I am quite adept now and nailing the heal position and with a minimum of snap crackle and pop getting them smoothly on my legs. How far I have come in just a few short weeks, I never thought I would be this well again. From not being able to get my left foot in any shoe and barely the box to functioning and a level that is rapidly headed for normal for me.
‘My Cancer since everyone has to know’ is my effort to share my experience voluntarily. Having the disease in any form makes you a topic of conversation. It is difficult to conceal and brings out the caring side in many people, as it did with Steve, a high school classmate whom I have only seen 3 or 4 times in 41 years and spoken briefly with. Through those decades we had our careers and children. He is now retired. The bonds we make as children last a lifetime. I can start a conversation with Steve 10 years from now almost as if I just talked with him yesterday. A familiarity resulting from our shared space and experiences is the basis for a lifetime connection. Word of my condition has now spread far and wide. I myself am certainly not shy about telling someone I have bladder cancer. How else will people I know or come in contact with ever have knowledge of it? I have come to accept that intimate details of my condition are already discussed, so I feel no compunction to be delicate. Bladder anything is not a delicate subject. Being aware of bladder cancer is important so you can act immediately whenever there is a change in your urine habits or blood in any form or any other foreign unknown that might appear in your stream. Just like I did not do.
Mike,
Well this is a blast from the past. I saw in the Elwood Call-Leader the Class of 70 is having their reunion this weekend along with my sister's Class of 65. It doesn't seem like a year since our 40th reunion. That was a fun evening.
I was talking to Debbie and Karen at Church and they said you were having some health issues, but were doing pretty good. I just wanted to let you know I was thinking of you and if there is anything I can do to help, please call.
I hope you continue your recovery and are soon back to full strength.
Steve M
Hi Steve,
Thank you for your caring. I can only say that with each step through life one encounters a new door and sometimes one is forced to step through. I can confirm that no matter what the life event, birth, death, sickness or success there is a hidden blessing so it is important to keep an open heart even when your feet are on fire and someone has jammed a fire hose up the ole gristle missle. That being said I completed a few rounds of chemo and continue to improve physically. Enough so that Vanessa produced a honey do list, which she calls a 'things we can do list'. I knew I was a lot better when I noted she wrote it two pages long on a legal pad instead of normal human letter size 8.5x11 paper. We must be returning to normalcy. Thank you and Debbie and Karen for your prayers and support. And believe me, I got your number if I need it. Be ready.
Kind Regards,
MikeC