New Skills

Did I just pass something or is that a poop stain in the bowl?  Oh, I’m OK, it is a stain.  I hate this.  The entire concept just fries me.  All my life I was a NMP (nonchalant male pisser), or passer to be politically correct.  I know, suck it up as Jenny would say, you have the disease; it is just part of it.  Great advise for sure so I will just accept it as part of my new life, adding VUA (visual urine analysis) to my resume’.  Peachy.

The Supplement

I started up with my seaweed supplement again.  Years ago I went through a period of time taking the concoction, one ounce daily.  It was Seasilver then.  My friend G got me going on it.  At the time is was sold like Amway used to be and the manufacturer claimed outrageously that it was a cure for everything under the sun.  I tapered of the thirty dollar a month regimen but kept track of the company which eventually was closed.  The product came back out as Sea Aloe.  I don’t tell people about it because I don’t sell it.  If I got started on all the positive things it does for me, from the energy boost to the rapid healing of wounds I fear I would end up sounding like a snake oil salesman.  And since many people say I must be imagining things and I might I leave it alone.  I have a shot every morning with my other two pills.  Started 3 weeks ago and once satisfied it was the same as before I set up to get 3 bottles every quarter.

Normalcy Abounds Living With Cancer

I have great difficulty scheduling anything with my Wife.  Nothing new here.  Over the years we have had few vacations as either my calendar or hers simply did not allow it even when we could afford it.  Neither of us have been very good about joint calendars since the kids grew up and moved away.  I have my own office and an area in the garage for my life and Vanessa has the house and a cat for hers.  Tucker, the outside cat with alpha issues visits at it’s pleasure, usually when in need of heat or a treat.  37 years of marriage this December and we are very successful room mates with 2000 sq feet of house to ramble in and maintain and a couple of felines under foot.  I love the normalcy of it all.  We have had a great summer full of activities and fun stuff, and I have pictures to prove it.  The very fact she is busy and on with her life yet managed a very special variation for me every day puts me in wonder of her.  Must of been something I said, or perhaps on a primordial level it's a smell thing.  Whatever she seems to love me as I do her.  We do banter a lot and always end the call with a love you.   
Inger shows up daily with a bible, her coffee or tea and Vanessa’s cat usually.  We get to spend some quality time together.  Now 8 months since my diagnosis.  The memory of last winter is a vision in a darkened room.  The lymphedema is hot today, a strange nerve sensation I guess.  The leg is a darkened red but MLD restores it’s normal color quickly.  Life around me is thankfully normal.  I have moments of depression with the season change but this is something I have fought off without the need for medication since 1970.  Vanessa will attest to how difficult some of the Christmas seasons have been, but she has always taken it upon herself to make sure I ‘quit that shit’ and have and be part of a good time.  The cancer is still with me of course and this is my last week of summer before the next phase of the process begins whatever that may be.  I am keeping my calendar as open as possible for that next step.

Hey Who Cares How It Works As Long As It Does

Don't dwell on it I tell myself.  Who cares at this point as long as it works.  I pine for last year at this time when I had none of this.  I am back up to 3 gabapentin a day for my neuropathy.  This generic for Neurontin®  It is for my feet. After some research I discovered the pain in my feet is similar to that inflicted upon sufferers of shingles.  I also learned that the makers and sellers of the drug that is handling it have no idea how it works exactly, except maybe it affects some calcium channels in the brain or some such thing.  I do know it promptly eliminated the pain and my toes returned to normal color, and lowering the dosage brought back the pain and my toes turned black.  Go figure. 'There is a pill for everything' the noble Dr. H. said.  I am enduring some side affects including weakness, some physiological routine variations (PRV's), fatigue and a voracious appetite.  On the latter it is the most difficult to live with.  I have fought back the urge to graze at night but have to watch myself everyday for specific cravings mostly of the fatty variety.  Oddly satisfying a craving for a Happy Burger or a cookie from the pantry or whatever is always disappointing.  I have adapted to long term illness with some bitterness but none the less acceptance.  Medication induced additional difficulties and negative unintended consequences really toast my cookie.  My research tells me I may have to take this stuff for years before my condition is such that it is not needed.  This pain has been the worst so far of anything the Good Lord has set forth for me to endure.  I thank him daily for the pill that keeps it at bay. 

Feline Dangers

I am increasingly suspicious and wary of feline telepathic powers.  What in the hell made me rise up and go to the door to let the hairy creature in?  Perhaps I heard her meow but it was so faint as to not register consciously.  But if that is the case is not that a form of manipulation?  Animals manipulating humans in the same way the broadcast media does, subliminally.  How can we protect our sponge like brains from this onslaught?

Snicker's Diary

Snickers

Day 2,737.5 of my captivity.  This afternoon I got the big loud one to do the back rub thing.  I thanked him by not biting him.  He goaded me with milk but I had none of it.  Going to work on the one of my gender here who has the illusion she is the alpha cat.  Have her responding to various commands including lots of non verbal stuff.  Going to try to get her to cluck like a chicken.  Ha ha, who's the alpha now beeeotch.
The black SOB on the back deck figured out that she has toes and I don’t.  Yeoweeeeee!!!  She's been teaching me the finer points of birding, frogging and basically being a local big cat.  I still don't like her and I don't care
We all know about his tumor, smells just like Molly’s did.  We try to be nice to the big SOB but all we get is a few biscuits and some dutch rub crap.  Good behavior has got me some extra time outside.  Blackie took me out to the wild beyonds last night.  I hope to make my escape soon and be in Florida for Halloween.

9/11/2010

Today is 9/11/10.  Rain is on the radar to the west, but not much of it.  It is great to face another day.  I remember the video of the people jumping to escape the flames, I mourn for the loss of thousands that day and hundreds of thousands since.