What is neuropathy and how to prevent it, I found this on the web.
Symptoms of neuropathy
• Neuropathy is the medical term for nerve damage, usually to the peripheral nerves in the hands, feet, arms, and legs. Chemotherapy drugs are toxic to healthy nerve cells, as well as to cancer cells. When those nerves begin to stop working, the result is tingling, numbness, weakness, and pain, even an impaired sense of touch.
• Loss of feeling in the hands and feet can make it hard to pick up small objects and cause clumsiness and difficulty walking. Some people with nerve damage first notice a "pins and needles" feeling, not unlike when an arm or leg falls asleep. This same nerve damage can also cause constipation and bladder problems.
• Common chemotherapy drugs such as cisplatinum (Platinol), carboplatin (Paraplatin), vincristine (Oncovin), and paclitaxel (Taxol) can strip the coatings from the nerves, particularly those in the hands, feet, arms, and legs. The higher or more frequent the dose of the chemotherapy drug, the greater chance it will cause neuropathy.
• Radiation treatment can also lead to neuropathy, and conditions such as diabetes, kidney problems, and malnutrition can cause nerve damage, too. In some people, the cancer itself may be the cause of neuropathy.
Preventing nerve damage from neuropathy
• Doctors can't do much to prevent neuropathy from developing, but one medication, amifostine (Ethyol), has been shown to protect nerves and tissues from damage when given to patients before chemotherapy begins.
• If possible, before beginning chemotherapy, talk to the doctor about which chemotherapy agent she plans to use and, if it's one that's likely to cause neuropathy, request amifostine as well.
• A few small recent studies have shown that the minerals calcium and magnesium, given intravenously as part of hydration during chemotherapy, can help prevent neuropathy. This is also worth discussing with the doctor ahead of time.
Hi Marietta,
I am using ice to relieve some of the pain in my feet, but now twenty seven hours in and persistent extremely painful. Couple of toes appear to be terribly bruised. Can't begin to tell you how much it hurts.
Help me obi one kenobi, only you can help.
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
Showing posts with label pain. Show all posts
29.7.10
The Pee Pain
The Pee Pain
PP, or pee pain, is the result of something or some combination of some things. As we progress the fire has grown hotter and lingers longer after each event. Another one of those nasty little things I suppose, you have to pee every hour, and it takes the pain away, but you dread to pee, because the pp is every bit as bad as the pre-pee pain, just more concentrated in the Richard and the Twins area. An indicator of my decline in the past few weeks is not only the increased frequency but also amount of time it takes to recover from each event.
How long since I slept? I forgot, although I know I was sleeping with only 2-4 trips a night in December, seems like I can remember even going to bed and waking up when it was time to get up. But the body adjusts. With enough narcotics one can feel rested with a wake up every hour on the hour and enjoy a few minutes of severe and often times ‘sit down to handle it’ pain.
A problem with sickness is it becomes a dominant topic. I try not to make it so. Of course this journal is a road trip through my sickness, and leaving out the pain would not be fair to the record, in that it is such an integral part of it. I think it is a mistake to fear pain, but a good idea to avoid it. It is astounding the suffering one’s own body can do to its soul. But pain is a part of life, and too much fear of it would take one out of too much life I think.
PP, or pee pain, is the result of something or some combination of some things. As we progress the fire has grown hotter and lingers longer after each event. Another one of those nasty little things I suppose, you have to pee every hour, and it takes the pain away, but you dread to pee, because the pp is every bit as bad as the pre-pee pain, just more concentrated in the Richard and the Twins area. An indicator of my decline in the past few weeks is not only the increased frequency but also amount of time it takes to recover from each event.
How long since I slept? I forgot, although I know I was sleeping with only 2-4 trips a night in December, seems like I can remember even going to bed and waking up when it was time to get up. But the body adjusts. With enough narcotics one can feel rested with a wake up every hour on the hour and enjoy a few minutes of severe and often times ‘sit down to handle it’ pain.
A problem with sickness is it becomes a dominant topic. I try not to make it so. Of course this journal is a road trip through my sickness, and leaving out the pain would not be fair to the record, in that it is such an integral part of it. I think it is a mistake to fear pain, but a good idea to avoid it. It is astounding the suffering one’s own body can do to its soul. But pain is a part of life, and too much fear of it would take one out of too much life I think.
27.7.10
March 15, 2010 Icing the Marbles-It's All In the Technique
Monday March 15, 2010
Icing the marbles
In a v-con with Rex, Pendleton to Las Vegas, I mentioned in passing the joys of icing ones marbles. While he went through his protracted convulsive reaction attempting to digest the thought dew balls came to mind. DB, the two letter acronym for Dew Balls, refers to that condition that occurs to bikers in February, when the sun has peaked out, the highways and byways are relatively clear, but the bike is in the barn under its cover and the seat is a few degrees below the 33 degree temperature, and has been for weeks. As the biker straddles his ride he draws it up to center of his wide stance. Then he eases down on the saddle, onto a surface far beyond bone cold. The immediate reaction results in man tonsils, and if he has tonsils he now has an extra possibly hairy pair.
But when the marbles are in need of relief, I prefer the freezer gel pack against the traditional sack of peas. The smooth flexible surface, just the right width and length is superior to the plastic pea bag.
I like to start under a blanket in the recliner. I position my self slightly reclined, and bring my knees up putting my feet against the foot rest. Lowering my pants and wrapping the freezing cold bag in a thin towel, I lay the giggle monster up and carefully position the gel bag directly over the family business.
Ice has a funny effect on pain. I know this process sounds terrible, but as the cold penetrates pain and swelling are greatly diminished. The final stage is when the marbles demand direct contact, the thin towel pulls away, the BVD’s come down and ice cold gel gets up close and personal with 2 numb marbles. This all sounds so good I am going to have to go ice right now.
Icing the marbles
In a v-con with Rex, Pendleton to Las Vegas, I mentioned in passing the joys of icing ones marbles. While he went through his protracted convulsive reaction attempting to digest the thought dew balls came to mind. DB, the two letter acronym for Dew Balls, refers to that condition that occurs to bikers in February, when the sun has peaked out, the highways and byways are relatively clear, but the bike is in the barn under its cover and the seat is a few degrees below the 33 degree temperature, and has been for weeks. As the biker straddles his ride he draws it up to center of his wide stance. Then he eases down on the saddle, onto a surface far beyond bone cold. The immediate reaction results in man tonsils, and if he has tonsils he now has an extra possibly hairy pair.
But when the marbles are in need of relief, I prefer the freezer gel pack against the traditional sack of peas. The smooth flexible surface, just the right width and length is superior to the plastic pea bag.
I like to start under a blanket in the recliner. I position my self slightly reclined, and bring my knees up putting my feet against the foot rest. Lowering my pants and wrapping the freezing cold bag in a thin towel, I lay the giggle monster up and carefully position the gel bag directly over the family business.
Ice has a funny effect on pain. I know this process sounds terrible, but as the cold penetrates pain and swelling are greatly diminished. The final stage is when the marbles demand direct contact, the thin towel pulls away, the BVD’s come down and ice cold gel gets up close and personal with 2 numb marbles. This all sounds so good I am going to have to go ice right now.
Describing the Pain
Saturday March 6, 2010
Again the day starts at 2:30AM, following about 5 hours of sleep in fits and starts. Visiting with Rex yesterday afternoon on Skype and our conversation turned to analysis of my discomfort. Rex doggedly probed for details on my exact condition. So came up the matter of bladders and sphincters.
As with all of things, my situation leads to an endless parade of consequences, for the most part of the unintended variety. I remember when I had my rotator cuff surgery how for the first time in my life I had to face the reality of how heavy my arm was. You know, if I could weigh my limbs individually and realize how much I’m throwing around and knowing how little of my muscle is doing all the work I would have to forget the numbers, because it wears my ass out just thinking about it. Let’s face it, moving is a lot of work. Now in the matter at hand, yesterday to explain to Rex I took a third person view of my calamity. Remembering Dr. E saying the bladder has a mind of its own, I described to him an invisible baker decorating a cake, and in his one hand he gripped mightily a bag (which we will call a bladder) full of icing and in the other hand he gripped the soft yet pliable member, the nozzle connected to the bladder. With one he provided power to move the product, with the other he controlled flow and put the product where he wanted it.
In my case my bladder has been violated and cut on. When water reaches a certain level my invisible baker squeezes down on the bladder, get that wet crap away from me. At the same time my sphincter, trained by a Funk and Wagnall dictionary dropped on my head repeatedly whenever I failed to make it to the appropriate facility at a very young age. I always marveled at the book, with it’s cushy cover and thin pages, how could anything leave a pain in the head for so long and not a mark. Anyway, the point is the sphincter is operating on a basic behavior level that it was long ago conditioned to operate on. So the sphincter is as if the invisible bakers hand gripping the nozzle was possessed by some extremely evil entity that gave it super strength to grip down and close the nozzle, even as the invisible baker was applying ever more pressure, oh, he rests, oh, there he goes again. Rex then lit up with the glow of total comprehension, and we laughed until the tears rolled at my sorry ass situation.
Again the day starts at 2:30AM, following about 5 hours of sleep in fits and starts. Visiting with Rex yesterday afternoon on Skype and our conversation turned to analysis of my discomfort. Rex doggedly probed for details on my exact condition. So came up the matter of bladders and sphincters.
As with all of things, my situation leads to an endless parade of consequences, for the most part of the unintended variety. I remember when I had my rotator cuff surgery how for the first time in my life I had to face the reality of how heavy my arm was. You know, if I could weigh my limbs individually and realize how much I’m throwing around and knowing how little of my muscle is doing all the work I would have to forget the numbers, because it wears my ass out just thinking about it. Let’s face it, moving is a lot of work. Now in the matter at hand, yesterday to explain to Rex I took a third person view of my calamity. Remembering Dr. E saying the bladder has a mind of its own, I described to him an invisible baker decorating a cake, and in his one hand he gripped mightily a bag (which we will call a bladder) full of icing and in the other hand he gripped the soft yet pliable member, the nozzle connected to the bladder. With one he provided power to move the product, with the other he controlled flow and put the product where he wanted it.
In my case my bladder has been violated and cut on. When water reaches a certain level my invisible baker squeezes down on the bladder, get that wet crap away from me. At the same time my sphincter, trained by a Funk and Wagnall dictionary dropped on my head repeatedly whenever I failed to make it to the appropriate facility at a very young age. I always marveled at the book, with it’s cushy cover and thin pages, how could anything leave a pain in the head for so long and not a mark. Anyway, the point is the sphincter is operating on a basic behavior level that it was long ago conditioned to operate on. So the sphincter is as if the invisible bakers hand gripping the nozzle was possessed by some extremely evil entity that gave it super strength to grip down and close the nozzle, even as the invisible baker was applying ever more pressure, oh, he rests, oh, there he goes again. Rex then lit up with the glow of total comprehension, and we laughed until the tears rolled at my sorry ass situation.
26.7.10
March 4, 2010 Pain and guilt. Is it all my fault?
Thursday March 4, 2010
3:30 AM-after sleeping in 60 minute intervals and racking up about 5 hours I give up. Here I am, another day in paradise. Mamashealth.com had a short article. I am suffering pelvic pain, painful and frequent urination and unfortunate urgency largely and daily, classic symptoms. Again, not to belabor the point and my friend John from up north did contract breast cancer and survive, but cancer in the drain, I mean come on.
Having reviewed this issue of my daily symptoms and compared to listed symptoms I must again conclude I have an irritated bladder due to the cancer and bladder liner damage. Just going to have to live with it. I shall let others drive me today. I know it is presumptuous, and a load, but after all I am the sick one and might as well act it when I am sometimes. The pain has slowed my gate to a totter. No more throw your toes out, John Wayne stride that always exuded my overly narcissist side. Now my short gate and no doubt occasional wince belie my condition. In a way mama’s article was a blow to me. I had been saying and praying that my pain and pains were somehow related to my surgery, being folded etc. Not so though, it is the cancer that has so negatively impacted my quality of life. So, 5:23A and getting ready to get cranked up, cleaned up, and stood up for another day in paradise. Took a lortab and logged same, 3.5 hours since last one, Vanessa will check on me and her strength and skill born of her love for this bum is a gift the Good Lord has given me in this troubled time.
Can you describe the pain? So let’s say you have (if you had one, if not try to imagine) to have a solid object shoved up the length of your one eyed trouser snake and suddenly by remote control it is enlarged to several times its diameter and heated to the temperature of the sun’s surface. Then it is returned to normal size and temperature, then without warning it expands and heats again. Now repeat the cycle with long expansion and short contractions the length of your dipstick for what seems like eternity but is only likely a few seconds, hard to time when you are ripping the arms off the chair. Follow that by the sense that willy has been invaded and stuff just keeps on hurtin’. So what number would you assign? Well, where do we put makes your knees weak and makes you swoony and a little sick? Is that a 5 or an 8? Can I see the chart? Well that is the top level of my discomfort at this juncture, and fortunately for a lot of the day I am getting along ok.
I googled around on the morbid side, wondering about stages of death. Appears the manual for my demise should it be so is the same as Mom’s last year.
Most painful day as I sit here and the sun sets that I have had. Five lortabs so far. Feeling out my providers, I made connection with the Nurse in charge of Dr. H. Although many patients perceive the doctors as the drivers, movers and shakers in medicine, they are but bit players. It is the nurses that make the wheels turn. Somewhere along the way I learned to be nice to the nurses, even when they are trying your patience (so to speak). Marietta will be one of my favorites, starting with her prompt and complete responses. I shall not be shy in following up and expediting my treatment as needed. I will temper my method understanding that my Family can easily turn into three flesh eating pit bull bitches and even on a good day my influence and authority over them is at best minimal. So with these new folks to us at IU I am working with my first nurse contact. I decided to try e mail instead of voice mail today, much faster, provides record of conversation and Marietta was johnny on the spot with her response. Dr. E had neither e mail nor fax and the facilities are about 50 minutes apart in Indiana. There seems to be some disparity here. I am grateful for Dr. E, and also have benefited from the care at Community in an indirect way. I have gained a deeper understanding of the health care providers I will be interfacing with from here on out.
In any event my back and forth with Marietta follows, in reverse order of course with most recent coming first.
Thanks ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Until today I took 2-3 per 24 hours in the night to help sleep. Today I have taken 4 so far, beginning at 2 am. They do not work very well for me. My pain level is about 75% of weak knee sick at stomach hurt level, with occasional peaks at the weak knee moan and groan level.
________________________________________
From: Marietta L
Sent: Thursday, March 04, 2010 3:02 PM
To: Mike Courtney
Subject: RE: Patient info
Hello Mr. Courtney
You are always welcome to email or call me. That's what I am here for. :) IF you do have problems after hours or the weekend and need to speak with the medical oncologist on call, please call 317-br549 and ask the operator to call the medical oncologist on call.
I spoke with the ultrasound dept just a few minutes ago and they are waiting on the radiologist to ok the bx and schedule a date and time.
Regarding your pain, are you taking 1-2 lortabs every 4-6 hours for the pain? How long does the lortab work and how many are you taking in a 24 hour period?
I will let you know ASAP when I get a date and time from radiology.
Take care,
Marietta
________________________________________
From: Mike Courtney
Sent: Thursday, March 04, 2010 2:42 PM
To: Marietta L
Subject: Patient info
Hi Marietta,
Could you advise the status of the radiologist review of my CT and when we can get the needle biopsy scheduled?
I am having a difficult week with a fair amount of mid section pain and discomfort and to be expected painful urinary symptoms and frequency. I am draining ok. I have not had visible blood this week. I have been prescribed lortabs for pain relief but wonder if that is the best medicine. Thanks for your help. Hope I am not too much of a bother, and hope you're having a great day.
Mike Courtney
Cell br549
Extremely important to be functional during the day. Work was hectic this week, with three deals floating. I was not physically up to working at my station or driving this afternoon, although I did for 2 hours and cleared most of my desk. I have decided that pain management is achievable to the degree I can be productive at work. Beautiful sunset, still, blue and purple, white patches of snow cling in the low ground, making a patch work pattern of clouds laid flat in two dimensions for as far as the eye can see. I tried to walk but could not so after a block I turned, rested and returned to my roost. Doing some filing on research and came across this article that I save a couple of weeks back. I saved it to remind myself that 40 years of smoking cigarettes likely brought on this scourge, so it was a self inflicted and maybe long term slow building suicide.
Bmj.com
Chemotherapy before surgery improves
Survival from bladder cancer
207
Patients who received chemotherapy before surgery for locally
advanced bladder cancer lived an average of 31 months longer than
patients treated with surgery alone, an 11 year study of 307 patients
has shown (New England Journal of Medicine 2003;349:859-66).
The principal investigator, Dr H Barton Grossman, professor of
urology at the M D Anderson Cancer Center, University of Texas,
Houston, said: “Treatment of this disease varies across the country,
but we believe neoadjuvant chemotherapy should be used more frequently
to treat patients with locally advanced bladder cancer.”
Patients in the study who were treated with surgery alone had a
66% greater chance of dying from bladder cancer than patients who
had both treatments.
Bladder cancer (cell shown above), is a worldwide problem related
to tobacco use. In the United States it is the fourth most common
cancer in men and the eighth most common in women. The American
Cancer Society says that about 57 000 people in the United (70,000 in 2010)
States are expected to be given a diagnosis of bladder cancer in 2003
and that an estimated 12 500 people will die of it.
David Spurgeon Quebec
Totally in your face. It’s your fault stupid, you did this to yourself. Now you might have robbed your family of who knows how many years of your company. Way to go douche bag. On the other hand I did love to smoke, and if I am terminal I might just pick up the habit again for one last time.
I am determined to improve my lot, so tonight I am trying to stand and avoid sitting in hopes of being able to recline when it is time to sleep without the through the middle ache that prevented me from any long sleep periods last night.
3:30 AM-after sleeping in 60 minute intervals and racking up about 5 hours I give up. Here I am, another day in paradise. Mamashealth.com had a short article. I am suffering pelvic pain, painful and frequent urination and unfortunate urgency largely and daily, classic symptoms. Again, not to belabor the point and my friend John from up north did contract breast cancer and survive, but cancer in the drain, I mean come on.
Having reviewed this issue of my daily symptoms and compared to listed symptoms I must again conclude I have an irritated bladder due to the cancer and bladder liner damage. Just going to have to live with it. I shall let others drive me today. I know it is presumptuous, and a load, but after all I am the sick one and might as well act it when I am sometimes. The pain has slowed my gate to a totter. No more throw your toes out, John Wayne stride that always exuded my overly narcissist side. Now my short gate and no doubt occasional wince belie my condition. In a way mama’s article was a blow to me. I had been saying and praying that my pain and pains were somehow related to my surgery, being folded etc. Not so though, it is the cancer that has so negatively impacted my quality of life. So, 5:23A and getting ready to get cranked up, cleaned up, and stood up for another day in paradise. Took a lortab and logged same, 3.5 hours since last one, Vanessa will check on me and her strength and skill born of her love for this bum is a gift the Good Lord has given me in this troubled time.
Can you describe the pain? So let’s say you have (if you had one, if not try to imagine) to have a solid object shoved up the length of your one eyed trouser snake and suddenly by remote control it is enlarged to several times its diameter and heated to the temperature of the sun’s surface. Then it is returned to normal size and temperature, then without warning it expands and heats again. Now repeat the cycle with long expansion and short contractions the length of your dipstick for what seems like eternity but is only likely a few seconds, hard to time when you are ripping the arms off the chair. Follow that by the sense that willy has been invaded and stuff just keeps on hurtin’. So what number would you assign? Well, where do we put makes your knees weak and makes you swoony and a little sick? Is that a 5 or an 8? Can I see the chart? Well that is the top level of my discomfort at this juncture, and fortunately for a lot of the day I am getting along ok.
I googled around on the morbid side, wondering about stages of death. Appears the manual for my demise should it be so is the same as Mom’s last year.
Most painful day as I sit here and the sun sets that I have had. Five lortabs so far. Feeling out my providers, I made connection with the Nurse in charge of Dr. H. Although many patients perceive the doctors as the drivers, movers and shakers in medicine, they are but bit players. It is the nurses that make the wheels turn. Somewhere along the way I learned to be nice to the nurses, even when they are trying your patience (so to speak). Marietta will be one of my favorites, starting with her prompt and complete responses. I shall not be shy in following up and expediting my treatment as needed. I will temper my method understanding that my Family can easily turn into three flesh eating pit bull bitches and even on a good day my influence and authority over them is at best minimal. So with these new folks to us at IU I am working with my first nurse contact. I decided to try e mail instead of voice mail today, much faster, provides record of conversation and Marietta was johnny on the spot with her response. Dr. E had neither e mail nor fax and the facilities are about 50 minutes apart in Indiana. There seems to be some disparity here. I am grateful for Dr. E, and also have benefited from the care at Community in an indirect way. I have gained a deeper understanding of the health care providers I will be interfacing with from here on out.
In any event my back and forth with Marietta follows, in reverse order of course with most recent coming first.
Thanks ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
Until today I took 2-3 per 24 hours in the night to help sleep. Today I have taken 4 so far, beginning at 2 am. They do not work very well for me. My pain level is about 75% of weak knee sick at stomach hurt level, with occasional peaks at the weak knee moan and groan level.
________________________________________
From: Marietta L
Sent: Thursday, March 04, 2010 3:02 PM
To: Mike Courtney
Subject: RE: Patient info
Hello Mr. Courtney
You are always welcome to email or call me. That's what I am here for. :) IF you do have problems after hours or the weekend and need to speak with the medical oncologist on call, please call 317-br549 and ask the operator to call the medical oncologist on call.
I spoke with the ultrasound dept just a few minutes ago and they are waiting on the radiologist to ok the bx and schedule a date and time.
Regarding your pain, are you taking 1-2 lortabs every 4-6 hours for the pain? How long does the lortab work and how many are you taking in a 24 hour period?
I will let you know ASAP when I get a date and time from radiology.
Take care,
Marietta
________________________________________
From: Mike Courtney
Sent: Thursday, March 04, 2010 2:42 PM
To: Marietta L
Subject: Patient info
Hi Marietta,
Could you advise the status of the radiologist review of my CT and when we can get the needle biopsy scheduled?
I am having a difficult week with a fair amount of mid section pain and discomfort and to be expected painful urinary symptoms and frequency. I am draining ok. I have not had visible blood this week. I have been prescribed lortabs for pain relief but wonder if that is the best medicine. Thanks for your help. Hope I am not too much of a bother, and hope you're having a great day.
Mike Courtney
Cell br549
Extremely important to be functional during the day. Work was hectic this week, with three deals floating. I was not physically up to working at my station or driving this afternoon, although I did for 2 hours and cleared most of my desk. I have decided that pain management is achievable to the degree I can be productive at work. Beautiful sunset, still, blue and purple, white patches of snow cling in the low ground, making a patch work pattern of clouds laid flat in two dimensions for as far as the eye can see. I tried to walk but could not so after a block I turned, rested and returned to my roost. Doing some filing on research and came across this article that I save a couple of weeks back. I saved it to remind myself that 40 years of smoking cigarettes likely brought on this scourge, so it was a self inflicted and maybe long term slow building suicide.
Bmj.com
Chemotherapy before surgery improves
Survival from bladder cancer
207
Patients who received chemotherapy before surgery for locally
advanced bladder cancer lived an average of 31 months longer than
patients treated with surgery alone, an 11 year study of 307 patients
has shown (New England Journal of Medicine 2003;349:859-66).
The principal investigator, Dr H Barton Grossman, professor of
urology at the M D Anderson Cancer Center, University of Texas,
Houston, said: “Treatment of this disease varies across the country,
but we believe neoadjuvant chemotherapy should be used more frequently
to treat patients with locally advanced bladder cancer.”
Patients in the study who were treated with surgery alone had a
66% greater chance of dying from bladder cancer than patients who
had both treatments.
Bladder cancer (cell shown above), is a worldwide problem related
to tobacco use. In the United States it is the fourth most common
cancer in men and the eighth most common in women. The American
Cancer Society says that about 57 000 people in the United (70,000 in 2010)
States are expected to be given a diagnosis of bladder cancer in 2003
and that an estimated 12 500 people will die of it.
David Spurgeon Quebec
Totally in your face. It’s your fault stupid, you did this to yourself. Now you might have robbed your family of who knows how many years of your company. Way to go douche bag. On the other hand I did love to smoke, and if I am terminal I might just pick up the habit again for one last time.
I am determined to improve my lot, so tonight I am trying to stand and avoid sitting in hopes of being able to recline when it is time to sleep without the through the middle ache that prevented me from any long sleep periods last night.
March First-Remembering my first real prescription pain killers
Monday March 1, 2010 starts at 4 AM, now we go back to work for a while. Sleep was a little tough but a few hours were captured. Today we met with another Ologist, this one the chemical guy. Now the next step is a biopsy of the lymph nodes that are not looking good in the scan. If they are cancerous then surgery is likely off the table and clinical trials on. Who knows, now with 3 Ologists and 3 different takes. But as the day passed I resigned to the idea. Why after all should I go through major surgery and not be cured? After all, I could be a research project. I pondered about the pain. Already a persistent back ache lurks nightly, always just at the edge. When it flares it is like sitting in the wrong way for way too many hours. Take a pill. Vance might not find it manly, after all why would you have yourself numbed for a tooth filling? If the dentist hits a nerve the numbing ain’t worth a damn he would say. Not I. I will take the drugs. I learned this with the TUR surgery. For the first time in my life, at age 58 and almost 11 months I carefully repositioned myself on my hospital bed and offered my hind quarter for the insertion of the magic black torpedo, swathed in KY jelly, loaded with opium and driven through my back door on the end of a gentle nurses finger until I could have no more or I would be seeking out dens to hang out in. The impact was immediate nearly, and suddenly I could feel everything, except for that general area below the navel and above the knees. Lasting only 2 hours and administered every 4, I certainly looked forward to the application and always beeped on the scheduled 4 based on the last dose. Nor was I shy to call for morphine shots through the IV at every allowed interval until I could have no more. Again, I was assured that it really hurt and the pain killers where justified. Sure seemed real to me. And by all accounts a TUR is a minor and regular process. A radical cystectomy is a major. I just like the idea of not doing it if it won’t fix it. Plus my first really in pain and dependent hospital stay was not all peaches and cream, in spite of the ten plus thousand dollar bill. The nurses made me suffer. I kept my own notes on the pain management which was supposed to be so important.
February 25 2010 and Uncomfortable
Thursday 2-25-10
A tired day. A discomfort, pressure with no product, aches, sharp pains. I wonder how much is made up in my head, how much from moving around still inflamed tissue from the resection. In any event I acquiesced in the afternoon and took a pill. The Ologist has prescribed Lortab, part Tylenol, part opiate I suppose. Tried to work several times but simply could not get in the mind set. Sitting is uncomfortable, as is every other position it seems and I am so damn tired today. Seeing my Brother on Skype cheered me. I know my condition pains him to no end. It is the pain I cause other people that I can see in their face or hear in their tone that pains me most. I know it is a cliché but I never considered the toll my condition would take on those I know.
It is now apparent that cancer is one of those conditions that are not private in nature. I discovered that if I asked someone to not discuss it with those that do not know me it was going to place a great burden on them. So the choice is tell no one or make pronouncements. Tell no one is not an option because Vanessa, Jennifer and Jocelyn need all the support they can get. It is not fair to ask them to respect my wish to keep the details of my condition private. Make pronouncements and there will be discussions of the most intimate and gory details of my procedures, comparisons to someone who someone knew, those that give up and those that hold faith. A preacher will call with the wife, wanting to pray for a miracle and bring evangelical comfort to me. Neighbors will call, cards will come and soon I will be yesterday’s news. Vanessa decided to let her Church know after our meeting tomorrow at the Simon Cancer Center at IU Med in Indy.
Long days, the medication kicking in, have all my Girls tomorrow.
A tired day. A discomfort, pressure with no product, aches, sharp pains. I wonder how much is made up in my head, how much from moving around still inflamed tissue from the resection. In any event I acquiesced in the afternoon and took a pill. The Ologist has prescribed Lortab, part Tylenol, part opiate I suppose. Tried to work several times but simply could not get in the mind set. Sitting is uncomfortable, as is every other position it seems and I am so damn tired today. Seeing my Brother on Skype cheered me. I know my condition pains him to no end. It is the pain I cause other people that I can see in their face or hear in their tone that pains me most. I know it is a cliché but I never considered the toll my condition would take on those I know.
It is now apparent that cancer is one of those conditions that are not private in nature. I discovered that if I asked someone to not discuss it with those that do not know me it was going to place a great burden on them. So the choice is tell no one or make pronouncements. Tell no one is not an option because Vanessa, Jennifer and Jocelyn need all the support they can get. It is not fair to ask them to respect my wish to keep the details of my condition private. Make pronouncements and there will be discussions of the most intimate and gory details of my procedures, comparisons to someone who someone knew, those that give up and those that hold faith. A preacher will call with the wife, wanting to pray for a miracle and bring evangelical comfort to me. Neighbors will call, cards will come and soon I will be yesterday’s news. Vanessa decided to let her Church know after our meeting tomorrow at the Simon Cancer Center at IU Med in Indy.
Long days, the medication kicking in, have all my Girls tomorrow.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)